Each of us has encountered misunderstandings and quarrels in the family – this phenomenon is as old as humanity itself. We grow up and become independent, but emotional ties and experiences from childhood continue to influence our relationships with our parents. It is important to remember that conflicts can be resolved and do not have to leave deep wounds. Together with energy coach Veronica Kim, we tell you how to avoid conflicts with your parents.
The problem of conflict is to decide who is to blame
There have been, are and will be conflicts between fathers and sons. As a rule, they hurt very deeply and extend from the childhood of both generations. There are always two sides to blame in a conflict. If parents do not consider it necessary to work on this, since they are “experienced”, “already adults” and “know everything,” then children should not withdraw themselves and ignore the problem.
It is necessary to start with cultivating a sense of respect in oneself. Nowadays it has become unpopular to put parents above oneself: one can often hear that there is simply nothing to respect the older generation for. But we are talking about loved ones who gave us life, raised us and gave us the best they could. Every parent wants the best for their child, but not everyone knows how to establish a relationship with him, how to express their feelings, fears and experiences so as not to offend or cause a traumatic experience.
We are not taught in school how to interact in families and how to properly resolve conflicts with parents. And this is the most difficult area of relationships, because those closest to you hurt the most. We acquire all the complexes, insecurities, fears and disappointments precisely in relationships with parents, brothers and sisters, so it is extremely important to know what steps will help avoid quarrels with relatives.
How to avoid conflicts with parents
It is important to act step by step, and the situation will gradually change for the better:
- Realize what you can thank your parents for. Write down everything you remember and focus on the list. This will give you an understanding of the important role your family plays in your life.
- Take your place in the relationship. In your relationship with your parents, you are always the “junior”. Treat your loved ones the way they deserve by right of their role in the family: that is, as soon as you want to teach or instruct them, remember who is who. Even if the father and mother are of advanced age and need help, provide it from the position of a junior.
- Call more often and tell them what is happening in your life. Sincerely ask for advice and help. Give your parents a feeling of closeness, and then they will not be offended and feel unnecessary.
- Create and maintain traditions and shared leisure time. Make it a habit to attend dinner at your parents’ house on the weekends, watch a movie together, engage in a hobby, or go for a walk in the park. Sharing housework can also be a great way to build rapport and avoid conflict. Talk to your parents about what tasks they enjoy doing most, and divide the responsibilities so that everyone feels useful.
- Love your parents as you would like to be loved by your own children. This “golden rule” will absolutely avoid conflicts and take relationships to a new level.
- Seek help from specialists. If conflicts are insurmountable despite your willingness to resolve them, do not tolerate them.
- Speak sincerely from an “I-message” position. Do not blame anyone, but openly talk about your feelings and desires to your parents.
- Say out loud that you are glad that you were born and raised in this family. This may not be easy, but it always leads to warmer temperatures and closer proximity.
- Ask the older generation what is difficult for them in a relationship with you. Listen to them and think about what you can change in your own behavior.
- Share your wishes with your parents. Ask your parents to say or do what you sincerely want and what you may have lacked as a child in order to feel loved.
Secrets of a good relationship that you need to follow every day
Even in close relationships, it is important to maintain personal boundaries. Respect each other’s time and space, do not intrude if you see that parents want to be alone.
- Avoid sensitive topics in conversations. Politics, religion, personal beliefs – all this can cause conflict. If you know that a topic is causing tension, try not to touch upon it or discuss it as tactfully as possible.
- Find reasons for joy and joint holidays. It can even be small events that will allow you to spend time together in a positive atmosphere.
- It is important to work on relationships, show patience and respect. Conflicts with parents are a natural part of life, but they should not become an integral part of it. Respect and patience will help create a more harmonious and loving family.